Wednesday, April 25, 2007
I want them to say they go through it too
Had a loooong chat with my sister and friend last Friday about our (non-existent) love life. We had so many questions. Although we were saying “exactly!” dozens of times during the night, we were not close to answering any of these questions. We were merely amazed at how we’ve all been thinking the same things as to the why’s and how’s of our love lives. It was a heavy night—humid and painfully distressing. We were confirming to each other how pathetic our wanderings and wonderings have been. How sometimes our questions have led to insecurities, questioning our own self worth.
We’re doing pretty well, mind you. We’ve had our own tastes on the good life—travelling, gadgets, we knew our fads and we’ve taken our pick on what to follow, jobs (may not have been ideal but we’re blessed still to have them), careers, professions (different things, I believe). But what of this lack in romantic relationships have led us to thinking that we’re deficient? Or that there’s something wrong?
I don’t think it would be a matter of ego to say that we’ve fared better than others. It is a matter of fact. But I don’t think there’s really any guessing as to why things are working differently for us. Why some of our friends have had boyfriends since gradeschool (ok, highschool). Why some can change relationships in a blink of an eye. Why some can stay in a bad relationship, cry over it, and end up in a similar situation after. Why some are fortunate to be already married, with kids.
But what has success have to do with love? Having a job, being a professional, having an advocacy? If these can bring me circles of people I can meet and where I can find my one true love, then maybe there is a connection, but a very thin line at that. I can not and would never really try to understand this thing called love. Love that we’re both eager and afraid to have. What of it can make me feel wanted and at the same time rejected? What of it makes me want to embrace life and shun the rest of the world?
I only want to hear them, single MEN, say that they’re going through this too. I don’t think it’s fair that single women have a monopoly on this overthinking of love. We’ve allowed ourselves space to distress over these thoughts… I was just wondering, do they do that too?
tweenkies_1106 at 4:56 PM