Saturday, July 08, 2006
wait-listed...
A whole lot of waiting. A whole lot of unknowns.
Today as in everyday, I wait. For I don’t know what. But I just wait.
It’s weird that sometimes we end up doing what we don’t want to do. My waterloo is waiting…. Patience is not one of my strongest virtues. But I’ve found myself waiting for various things. At some point in my waiting, I’ve been depressed, angry, stoic, eager, excited, scared, doubtful, strong, courageous. All sorts of things… anything but patient.
I would say that I’ve survived most of my waiting. I didn’t know what was coming. I didn’t expect to get what I wished for and more. I didn’t expect to fail and be given a NO in some others.
People say that God cannot be outdone in generosity. I believe that, more so now. He was both generous in answered prayers, gifts and WAIT-listings. I guess He was trying to teach me a thing or two about patience. I guess, I’m a bit more patient now, knowing that my timing may not have the same timing as God’s. And no matter how I feel that things are way too slow for me, actually they’re not. I’m doing pretty ok and God’s timing come out perfectly everytime.
I still get depressed at times. Sometimes for reasons I feel ashamed to admit because I’ve been getting breaks in my life (for the good) and I don’t think I should be complaining about anything. Sometimes I still get restless, because half of the time, all I do is wait. Especially since most of what I do are in the building-the-foundations stage. With work “in the way”, I don’t do anything most of the day. I stare at my PC, trying to make sense of 8-hours pretending to work while I cram the rest of my life in the evenings. I wake up unbelievably early (7 p.m. is early for a job of staring at a PC) for yawning and stretching on my office chair. Hiding between the small confinement called my workspace to write to myself and write about my dreams.
The unknowns remain. But I could be discovering it on double-time if not for the necessity of work. Oh what a tangled web we weave…27june2006
tweenkies_1106 at 11:28 AM