Saturday, March 24, 2007

Self-preservation

I can’t believe the news I read this morning! “Arroyo: I experienced hunger too in last 3 months(http://newsinfo.inquirer.net/breakingnews/nation/view_article.php?article_id=56430)
An SWS survey came out saying that one in every 5 Filipinos today experience hunger. Arroyo goes on to say that the survey asked “Did you miss one meal during the last three months?” Which I highly doubt. Such surveys are not meant to put anyone in a bad light, I mean, supposedly, the science of survey tries to lessen the uncontrollable variables through the question itself. With such a broad question, the survey would not be able to achieve anything. Everything’s not about having a political agenda, Ms. Arroyo.
The gall of comparing herself to the Filipinos. To the point of saying that those who answered the survey are not really in need or hungry, because even the rich, like herself, miss a meal or two too. Come on! You really believe what you’re saying?
Just to save ass, how low can you get?
Of course the survey meant to capture the meaning of “involuntary hunger”. These people who said a resounding yes to the question meant that they missed meals because they can’t afford to buy a meal. They would rather work than eat, so that the rest of their family can eat. They have nothing to eat because they were not able to scrounge for food, wherever they could do the scrounging. They missed 1, 2 or 3 main meals not because they were on a diet. Not because their conscience is killing them and they’ve lost all appetite to eat from the table that could feed thousands. Or to eat the food that money from corruption bought. Their conscience is clear, as well as their stomachs. Real, physical hunger that pains the body, dulls the mind, weakens and kills. What in hell can you see there that’s the same in your situation?
For years, your government has been saying lies, to sugarcoat the reality we see from the reality you want to see. I thought you’d make the better president. I gladly went to the street in January of 2001 to oust a corrupt, drunken president. Maybe it was a premonition that I slept through your oath-taking, too tired from the activities of the previous night’s vigil for justice. Maybe so I can pat my self on the back to say I had nothing to do with your getting the presidency then. I am proud to say that I never voted for you. Even during the farce of your election in 2004. The election you say you won.
You were never hungry. You may have missed a meal, but not out of poverty. Maybe overworking (the best excuse you could have, and I could accept, not knowing though what you’re overworking on). Maybe out of too much work to do because, let’s face it fake or not, you are the president. Or at least, you’re the one in Malacanang. But to say that your “hunger” is on the same level of hunger the Filipinos experience is a joke. Your hunger is but an ant’s bite to the gnawing pain the poor of this country experience. Do not attempt to understand anything and say things that would only show how truly detached you are to the plight of your countrymen.
Cut the crap and accept the realities of life. The Philippines you’re running is hungry. For food. For justice. For truth. And you’ve been squeezing out even the last vestiges of the pride we’re hanging on for dear life with your lies. Stop the ass-saving. Stop the pretences. We don’t need excuses. Most of all, it doesn’t help the situation when the president says she’s gone hungry too. It’s an abomination. A humiliation. An embarrassment to have a president who’s so thick faced that the only retort she can come up with is to disgrace the poor with her thoughtlessness. Shame us no more. Shame us no more. 23march2007

tweenkies_1106 at 8:35 PM

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Joyful Joyful Love in Lent

We were thinking of another encore song just in case the crowd goes “MORE!!” a second time after the concert. We were going for another upbeat song, and the Love Medley came up. one of us said we can’t sing that because it’s Lent, and I retorted, but Lent IS about LOVE! And she laughed.

It’s true. The overall feeling during Lent is one of sadness. More than the emotions carried on by reflecting or meditating, it’s an easier thing to channel in sadness than reflection. Why is it that we try to curtail happiness and joy during this season? Why does being solemn almost always mean silence, seriousness and sadness?

No, I don’t want to be all happy and giggly and jubilant all throughout the season. I know I have to save some for Easter. Nor do I rejoice in Jesus’ pain. I cringe at the thought, and I have cried over it too. I do not mean to say that crying over it once has already saved me from giving much thought in that focus of LENT. Not at all. I just want to emphasize the fact that the great celebration of life and love that this season of Lent highlights is sometimes dimmed by our fears and inhibitions. We think that just because this season ends in Christ’s death, we should look at that as the focus of everything. The reason Christ died, why we are here now, and why we have to be reminded every year of our own sins, is because of HIS GREAT LOVE. We are shamed because we do not deserve this love, that’s why we feel sorrow. But He did not die to shame us. He wants us to believe that He went through the pain of death because He wants us to be happy. Let our tears flow, but more so because of gratitude and happiness that our God loves us so much and we shall never feel alone or abandoned ever again.

I would not attempt to speak for everyone, but I know I am not the only one in the world to feel happy doing something extra during the season of Lent. My little sacrifices make me feel… liberated. It’s a wonderful feeling of “I am bigger than this suffering and nothing or no one can stop me from doing this sacrifice.” Even if no one knew what you were doing, you can’t help but smile because of your daily triumph of fulfilling your self-imposed sacrifice. Works of charity… a dent in your savings? Most especially if your savings meant your daily ration. Doesn’t it give you that extra feeling of joy that instead of doing this for yourself, you’ve offered help to a more needy person? There’s pain, but the greater feeling there is joy. An overwhelming feeling of satisfaction.

I don’t think God wanted us to spend 40 days in shame, sorrow or pain. I don’t even think He wants us to stop a reason to laugh and be merry. I know that Lent is a season for quiet reflection, and I am actually thankful for this time to settle down my flurry of emotions to focus on what God has done for me 2000 years ago, and continued in my own life time of 26 years. But my quiet reflection brings me a surge of happiness that I want to sing, shout and dance! To glorify Him! to tell the world of the great love of my God-though crucified and frail on the cross. That image continues to bring me down to my knees. But I can see Him looking down at me, smiling. What greater reason is there then do I seek that would stop me from jumping up again and embracing this Lord that continues to supply me strength even in His last breath?

The whole reason I feel jubilant is because I know Lent does not culminate in the last of 7 last words “It is done.” It, for me, may mean IT has happened. The death that enveloped my Lord. and yet IT is NOT DONE! The LOVE of my Lord who rose after 3 days. I know of this story. It is no myth. No legend. If I lived in His time, I would have sulked endlessly til I see Him again. but I live in this century. And I know the story of His Love that did not end in death but continued on to His glorious resurrection and still continues to TODAY.
There is no reason to forget our sins and blindly think to continue sinning anyway we have a merciful God. The reason to celebrate is not in the callousness and indifference but in the acceptance of our need for salvation. It is only in this realization and acceptance of our need for His Love that we can really be saved. This liberating feeling to see that we are not alone and have never been alone. And that the joy that we now feel brings us to sharing a love we never knew we had. That is the miracle of Lent. That is no reason to sulk about. Rejoice then. Be ever joyful. Be ever loving. 9march2007

tweenkies_1106 at 8:33 PM

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Spiriting Away

There are two instances in the news that I’ve heard of government officials (of the present administration) doing their “business” in the dead of night when the rest of the watching public (especially the media) are asleep. The first one was when they transferred Lance Corporal Smith from a Makati City jail to the US embassy. The second one, more recently, was when they tried to fly (by private jet no less!) Satur Ocampo to Leyte.

It is in a way the government telling us that no matter how strong the opposition against their pursuits, they can get away with anything. By the time we discover what they’ve done we’re just left too surprised to react. We have only our words when they’ve already gotten away with doing what they want.

How sneaky can a government get? We’ve been cheated in the elections. We’ve been robbed of our taxes. We’ve been duped in court. We’ve been shamed in international polls. How can we fully trust those who are running for government posts? How can we believe their platforms? How can we vote this coming elections and say that our votes and voices will matter?

It’s sad though that people who have a little bit of power in this country are the ones who won’t go to the precincts this May. Those who do not have to be paid to vote. Those who hold businesses and those who pay hundreds of taxes. Those who’ve graduated from top universities and now hold top positions in multinational companies that feed the economy. Why are they trying to bow out of a fight that they once fought in EDSA?

Maybe because EDSA has lost its meaning after several attempts of taking down the pseudo-president who has a death-grip on the seat of power. Maybe because they felt there’s nothing more they can do but focus on what they do best-work. maybe because they are the ones who can leave the country in an instant, and never again look back.

When you read the news and you feel like shouting at the top of your lungs… what does it achieve? I read the news, how over and over again the Palace releases those not-well-thought of statements, I wonder how in the world we can survive under such a government. They react to everything, and always defensively. Always trying to blame someone else. And then they try to recant with motherhood statements they think would soften their appearance to the reading public.

We’re trapped in a government (for we are part of it) that stinks of the tyranny of power-hungry, self-preserving idiots. We sit in complacency because we are too tired to fight and we wait for a hero who could reignite the fire of our love for freedom and faith in democracy.

The fear is that the people who could be our heroes are a dying race. We are the only ones left. Are we going to rot n this hell too? Why can’t our lazy asses, for once, stand up and fight against the corruption of our beloved country? why can’t we stand against the fools who’ve deceived us and reclaim the power for the Filipino people. Those who sit in their seats of power and think that they are indestructible should rethink. They are no longer Filipinos to us. They are ghosts of our terrible past and present. They have no place in this great country’s future. 21march2007

tweenkies_1106 at 8:18 PM

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Sunday, March 18, 2007

oh what a confusion

i was out of town this weekend with my office department (only 3 of us ) plus two officemates from another department to do a bit of planning and schedule plotting for the year. after a late Friday night watching a Korean TV series in DVD, i packed my things for the weekend, just a small backpack of essentials plus a notebook of inputs for the planning ahead. just a day or two before, i was planning on biatching my way through the meeting. i got pissed off at something in the office and was more than determined to hasten my resignation. i wanted to appear as uncaring as possible, to detach and to let them know that i had little to contribute to the group.

oh but the world has a way of making you forget.

i woke up early at around 5 a.m. for a 6a.m. meet-up with my two friends before we meet up with the bosses. i was done at around 5.30 a.m. and even had a quick pancakes-and-hot choco breakfast at mcdonalds. it was humid yesterday but i was wearing my cardigan. there were beads of sweat on my forehead and i felt even hotter with the hot choco i had in hand. our ride came at around 6.30 a.m. but, amazingly, i wasn't pissed off. despite the heat and the delay, i was off to have a good mood and a good day.

we met up with the rest of the group at around 7.15 a.m. and was off for a 1-hour and a half trip to our destination. the zigzagging road was marked with peals of laughter as we talked excitedly about the trip. we weren't talking about work but all kinds of stuff that popped inside our head. it seemed like the trip took forever but we didn't mind. we were having a good time.

we arrived at around 8 a.m. in punta de fabian, up a steep driveway to the parking lot. the resort was beautiful with a scenic view of (i believe) taal lake. we got of the pick-up truck and immediately the resort personnel were there to help us with our bags and lead us to the dining hall. we had a too early morning snack though because by 11 a.m. we were already hungry for lunch! but well, we were too excited then to say no to a tasty treat of pasta bolognese and toast (no garlic or butter though). we were led to our rooms which were, except for a faulty doorknob, was actually quite ok. there were some very important misses though: no phone lines, no cable and the bathroom can get very slippery because the part of the toilet was not elevated enought from the shower area. the doorknob, which came off when we pulled at it and then had a faulty key, was fixed immediately by the staff. if we had an emergency though, it would be hard to contact anyone in the area because we had no phone line or intercom. the resort had villas and lofts around the pool area to the back of the lot instead of a one big hotel-type kind of living quarters.

it was too humid for us to stay out so we were cooped up most of the time in our room, doing the planning. we went out for breaks (lunch, p.m. snacks and dinner) at the dining area near the pool. by the afternoon (after snacks) we found a cozy area near one of the lofts and it was already breezy by that time. it was peaceful and quiet, and if not for our silly ghost stories, we would have stayed there longer. we had dinner at around 7.30pm. a feast of grilled fish and pork and a salad of eggplant, tomatoes, onions, green mangoes and shrimp paste. YUM!

we were able to accomplish our agenda (from establishing a mission-vision for our team to settling our work plans) so we were able to just while away the rest of the night chatting, laughing and scaring each other til around 11 p.m. by the poolside. under the star-filled sky of rizal, we were able to relax and wind down before walking back to our rooms.

it was drizzling when we went out for breakfast today. it was humid but after a while the breeze came to soothe our sleep-deprived bones. a sign of a slower, quieter day.

i had my apprehensions about the weekend eversince our boss suggested of having it. because i know i had my mind set on leaving before the end of the year. i didn't want to be involved in something i may not even have to do anymore. but there i was... putting more than my 2 cents worth.

i knew from the beginning that this group is my only point of reference to work. i've had my off days with them. i guess more lately because i'm becoming more agitated about a change in my life. but lately too, more and more reasons would make it difficult for me to leave.

oh what a confusion of emotions. i don't want them to think i've deceived them into believing i am staying longer. but i didn't want to rush into saying things that are not yet even concrete. i hope that when THAT time comes, i can just ease into the changes. and that no ties will be marred by the decisions to be made.

tweenkies_1106 at 12:46 PM

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Tuesday, March 13, 2007

giving in to sappiness


I guess there must be something wrong when you start to cry over happy endings and feel angry over romantic movies. Maybe it’s the frustration. The feeling of desolation in the midst of fluttering eyelashes and misty-eyed silent communications. I guess there must be something amiss when I start trying to flood my surrounding with loud music, only to realize that all I have in my laptop are the sappy love songs that would only feed my loneliness.

I guess I’m beginning to deny the fact that I am lonely. That I feel there’s something missing when I watch those movies. That I feel there’s something lacking during long nights alone and I can’t find my sleep.

I want my Mr. Darcy. The one who can see me and love me for who I am. With all the scars, physical or no, flaws and even the skeletons in my closet. The Mr. Darcy who can come out of his usually comfortable seat walled away from the world only to pursue me. Or maybe, I can be that Darcy who would be willing to run around the world for my Elizabeth./
24february2007

tweenkies_1106 at 11:06 PM

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