Saturday, July 22, 2006
Fear
War and terrorism. Crimes and human rights violations. Pride. Heat waves and cold fronts. Disintegrating ecosystems and shrinking animal and plant species. Global warming. Earthquakes and tsunamis. Volcanic eruptions. Typhoons and hurricanes. Natural disasters.
What’s happening to the world?
Where are we going?
It’s no use denying that our individual acts do not contribute to the big, global issues we are facing today. Indifference may be the biggest crime we can commit to a world that cries out for affection and caring.
Why is it that the more we declare that we’re building bridges through alliances and trade, we are becoming a more conflicted world—separated by greed and pride? We claim to know of each other’s cultures by our education and the technologies that provide a platform for sharing and exchange. And yet, here we are… bombarded by things that separate us from each other. We claim to have gone beyond borders but still see in terms of color, gender and ethnicity.
I have yet to look through my conflicting thoughts on my own country’s problems—the ever-“enthralling” political drama. I feel a disconnection to the world as I sit down on this desk, working (or not) while so many things are happening. How can sitting here be of any help? How can the current directions I’ve taken be of any assistance to the situation out there?
In constant fear. For there is a clear physical effect that these situations have—on me or on the rest of humanity. More so, however, for there is UNCLEAR connection between my life and the mission I should be taking. The uncertainty of my role in this world. The apparent need or lack of need for what I know I can offer. So what then is there for me to do?
tweenkies_1106 at 1:39 PM
A date with friends
Tuesday—we had an impromptu lunch out in the office. To the famous but “secret” quaint mini-restaurant just across the street—Casita de Viman. It took a while before our food was served but we distracted ourselves with picture taking all over the quite small venue. We were lucky though because we were the only group there. We had time and the place to ourselves. We had a chance to do whatever we wanted. And we did. So Kleng had a tryst with a ceramic chef. I ironed my clothes while wearing them. Pearl went ala-Rizal and read a book under a mini lamp (which wasn’t working). Pau served tea with a mini tea set. Jack wrapped a shawl on her shoulders and posed as a high-class shopper. Bambi tried out the merchandise all at the same time. Izza had feathers covering her eyes for Mardi Gras effects. And, Reezy stood as a de-masked masquerade ball party-goer. Our lunch of chicken in a pot, grilled chops, rosemary chicken and beef salpicao—plus extra rice servings!--was a success.
Our own little party of pictures and scrumptious food was a temporary reprieve from the monotony of work. But the hour-short lunch break was too short, as breaks from work always are. With heavy hearts, and apparent heavy tummys, we strode back to the office. But with big, toothy grins on our faces. Obviously very satisfied and happy with the short but wonderful lunch out with the girls. Another day almost over.
tweenkies_1106 at 12:51 PM
Saturday, July 15, 2006
NAIMA
On episode 9 of America’s Next Top Model, Cycle 4, Tyra said some very tough words to someone who was actually doing really good in the whole competition. She was a natural—posed and emoted well, had a certain aura of “uniqueness”. But Tyra told her that at night, thinking about the girls, she forgot someone and can’t remember who she left out—realizing afterwards that it was Naima. Because her personality just doesn’t pop. She said Naima should bring out more her personality to get noticed.
And it struck me. Somehow, it’s a fear, a real fear, that most of us don’t even recognize. To not make a mark. To be forgotten. For people not to have the slightest memory of who we were. For people not to care that they’ve forgotten us.
I watched the episodes of the show and for me Naima was the best of the pack (apparently she IS because she ended up winning the contest). But doing well in every challenge, I realized, didn’t necessarily mean that she was on top of the game. Apparently, she wasn’t one who people remembered. It’s true that she registered well on her photos and was always praised for it during judgment time, but during those in-betweens, you’re really wonder where she is or who she really is.
I often wondered about that too. I’ve kept myself always right smack in the middle—being good but not naïve, trying out new things but not a risk-taker…. It’s not the kind of personality that people would remember. I don’t know what part of me would stand out, enough for people to remember me and take notice of me.
I may be good at everything, but being a Jack (or Jane) of all trades makes me a master of none. And it’s a sad thought, really. To only be in the crowd of grays and not being able to stand out.
I may make the cut when there are others still in the running. But when there are just 2 or 3 left, what would make me the best choice? What would make me Naima… one who has transcended the dreary averageness of OK into the exhilarating and fascinating beauty of being on TOP?
tweenkies_1106 at 2:32 PM
Lunch. NOW!
So, it’s Friday. We thought, why not give ourselves a treat and order food from a good fast food joint (still can’t go out, what with the rain and all, for a decent restaurant)? So we gathered the orders and at 11a.m. called in Chef d’Angelo for delivery of our pizza-pasta helpings for the week.
I usually don’t eat with my officemates but decided to join them this time. I was looking forward to a lively lunch time with the girls.
And then 12 noon came. Then 12:45… still the food hasn’t arrived. The people are getting pale out of hunger and a little bit restless. At first, everyone’s patient—the delivery boy might have been stuck in traffic or he might have had to delivery a few others before ours. Bit 1 p.m. came and we still didn’t have food. We were laughing it mostly but in the end we were just a little bit pissed off.
I remember (hearing from friends here) that deliveries from Chef have always been late. And this was no exception. Worst even, because it’s been nearly 2 hours of waiting. They’ve called the joint, demanded explanation and a solution. Our food was finally delivered at 2 p.m. They planned on holding a argument with the delivery boy, but instead, they were only able to ask a mild, “What took you so long?” at the obviously shaking, frail-looking boy in front of them.
After waiting 2 hours, we finished our food in less than 30 minutes, even in between stories and jibes at one another and the misadventures of the morning. Was it worth waiting for? Anything tastes good when one is hungry. Indeed, this was a very satisfying, albeit very late, meal.
tweenkies_1106 at 2:31 PM
Please stop.
I knew little of politics but not one Filipino can really be apolitical, even the child that I was then. Presidential, senatorial, even just barangay elections were always a spectacle that one can’t help but be lured in. I was oblivious to the real facts of the political world but I was always amazed by the intrigue and the drama. I made my choices, took my side, even joined the political debates at the dinner table. I was enjoying the feel, the rush that I felt when we talked about politics.
Politics remains one of those things that I like talking about. Taking a side, hopefully the right one, bringing them up with friends and confirming my thoughts and stand on issues. Debating about it with others who think otherwise and seeing two sides of the coin. I fought with my schoolmates. Walked out of a class in defiance of a bordering-on-indifference stance that the school seemed to take… always too calculated, ending up too slow. We were on the brink of change, and while the rest of the country were out on the streets, we were waiting when to make up our minds. I was one of those who stood in front of the EDSA Shrine, up and down on my knees, practicing with the rest of the crowd how to avoid getting our heads blown off in case we get hosed down by water.
But I didn’t get to see the triumphant (it was how it felt then) change of times. After a grueling all-nighter on the streets, I slept most of the next day off… missing the pivotal swearing in of the new administration. I just saw everything in retrospect, on TV, including the almost-pitiful farewell of the beleaguered ex-president. Was it a sign that after fighting for the change in presidency, the President who takes the seat of power was one I shall defy now? I slept through her oath, maybe because it was better off I didn’t hear the nonsensical promises she won’t keep.
She used it more than enough times—she being the CHOSEN one, with Divine Providence putting her in office. I believe in Divine Providence. I believe in God choosing us for our missions in life and where it is that we are supposed to be headed. That He makes things work, even when we put ourselves in the most difficult situations by our choices.
What I can’t believe is that she’s been using Divine Providence as an excuse, even as a protective shield, that would somehow make her bullet-proof to criticism or unquestionable for her decisions. I am bothered by the fact that she thinks she’s been doing everything right and then creates a force field around her decisions by saying that she’s been put in office by God—for who would want to defy God’s anointed.
I have nothing against people having faith in God and knowing that God has a hand in everything they do. But I can’t help but be bothered that she continues to use this line to sugarcoat even her most obvious offences to the country. I am hurt by the fact that she can freely use God to her defense and think that everything else is un-godly. That everything else that seems in defiance of her plans are wrong and evil. We are not fooled.
How can I trust a president who can’t even show sincere emotion while saying sorry on national television and while admitting to a mistake that is obviously an abuse of power and violation of people’s trust? How can I trust a president who, instead of righting the questionable practices of the government she now leads, resorted to one-upping her opponents and did the wrong that only the most “trapo” of politicians would resort to?
She was put in office because she was the legal next option. On her second term, we don’t even know WHY. I didn’t vote for her and apparently so did majority of the Filipino people. Why was she there? Oh please, stop pulling the Almighty in your mess.
Maybe I’m not as informed as I should be but I’ve read news stories. I’ve heard street stories. I’ve tried to keep up with what’s happening to our country. What will I choose to believe when I see that there remain loopholes she and her minions continue to patch up with lame excuses? I see that they continue to pay-up “utang na loob”, ending up more indebted to godfathers instead of to the people, the voters who supposedly put her up in her second term.
There have been numerous “accidents” and outright killings. She opted to plaster the mouths of her executives—for fear of being sold out? Why are these people being prevented from speaking to the Senate committee? Why do they keep on taunting the opposition and then when people from their turf decide to speak up, they gag them?
The people as well as the military are restless. What are we missing here? While God has a hand in everything, we cannot blame Him for the misuse of our free will and tag His name on every mistake we make. We don’t need a president who’s always on the defensive—reacting to every bit of criticism, instead of proving them otherwise by her work. This is not all economics. The peso may be improving, or the GNP or GNP or a whole lot of other numbers. For one, the global economy has much to do with that so if the numbers improve—it’s not always about her doing an astounding job. Secondly, it’s not all her—it’s the expert backing she wisely chose to keep the economy rolling. Thirdly, the numbers don’t matter to the poor Filipino people who don’t need the excess baggage of political agenda. They’d bite into anything and it’s a pity that we should allow that. Why should we have citizens who’d stoop low to bribery just so they have enough to buy food for a day?
It’s senseless… embracing Divine Providence but shunning out the Church’s sincere statements that question and sometimes challenge her. Her supporters act as if they are always put on the limelight for wrong reasons, appealing to the pity of the people, hoping to be redeemed by achievements that do not have direct effects to the questions at hand.
So what if she’s wowed international audiences by her multi-lingual skills? So what if she’s changed her hairstyle since she got in office and now looks better in her couture dresses? So what if she can talk with foreign diplomats, presidents without fear of using up all her English?
The government, once an intriguing snow globe in my hands as a child, is now a painful almost senseless piece of extra skin. If we can get away with having none, I would be more than willing to do so. Maybe because I am more attuned now to the happenings at the political arena, I am more out-of-tune with the rest of my life. Yes, every bit of hoolabaloo in the government can change the decisions I make in my life. What would be my future be? How much would companies be willing to pay me with a weak economy and hardly trusted government? Am I willing to continue betting my chances on an almost hopeless country? (I say almost because I am still a Filipino and I love my country.)
I want to serve my country. And if that means defying a most capable president because she’s incompetent in what matters most, then so be it. If I should walk miles again, in protest and in honor of those who’ve led brave lives against the tyranny of the power-hungry, I shall do so again.
But she’s one lucky little girl. She’s lucky, and we’re not, that the opposition may seem to have led a united stand against her (for what else have they to do as “oppositionists”) but remain divided as to the “end” they propose to the confused majority. We need a competent leader who cares more about the people than to keeping her ass pasted on the presidential chair. We need someone who’d be able to lead us against the tides and pull the country up to where it belongs—lauded for its talents, loved for its charisma, respected for its values. We don’t want a president who’ll be willing to sell us to the dogs just so she would appear strong beyond her meager size, guinea pigs to her endless delusions and illusions. We don’t want to be sent out there in the dark because she’s willing to sign every bill, treaty or deal that would put a stamp of approval on her resume. We need a leader who would love us, take care of us, think of us as children, not as tools. We expected this from the 2nd lady president of our country. She’s no where near being a woman except for her high-heeled shoes and couture dresses. She’s no where being a mom or grandmom except for the façade she shows in planted photo opportunities.
She’s a liar. A wordsmith. A schemer. Please stop. Stop her now.
tweenkies_1106 at 2:29 PM
Blogvolution
I’ve never been one to have others read my work. I’ve always considered them as diary stuff—for my eyes only. Even if I have something to say about the world (or, at the least, my world). But lately I’ve been finding myself writing in the most public of public spaces—the world wide web—through my blogs. But there’s this kind of blog category my friend and I somewhat agree in making for ourselves. We still wanted to keep some sort of “anonymity” in the midst of publishing our thoughts on line. We publish under pseudonyms to an unknown audience. That kind as opposed to blogging about our lives on a site where our audience would most probably be friends and acquaintances and just most likely end up trying to best the latest adventure of another. I’d stick to writing as long as I get to write what I have to say without worrying if I have to talk about it with my friends outside my blogspace. It’s that I want this thing off my chest, let’s not talk about it face to face afterwards. It’s the kind of freedom and detachment the internet offers. It’s the kind that allows you to be out-in-the-open and still keep it personal and intimate.
It’s the space where I could be my real self—saying what I have to say, feeling that as soon as I press that PUBLISH button, I’ve already been heard, that I’ve already done my part. It’s where I can speak up because in the real world I am muted by my inhibitions, fears, what others might think, how others would react.
It may be a lonely world to not know where my voice was heard or if anyone cared at all. But to have let my fingers free, typing away my thoughts, letting my mind think what it has to think and my heart, feel what it has to feel, makes it the homiest place to be lonely in.
I like it the way this is. Where period means period. And I don’t get that awkward, nagging “why” questions. It just is. If there’s a follow-up, explanation or change of mind, the next blog would say it all. OR not. The audience will just have to wait.
tweenkies_1106 at 2:28 PM
Weaver
I can’t seem to get away from the web I wove. The entanglement I caused on myself. The confusion of mixed emotions and complicated loyalties. The tangled web of reality and dreams. I am ever under scrutiny. In the spotlight I shunned once. The interrogation of friends, the doubt of family. The endless turn against myself. Created by the twists and turns of weavers. Weavers of tales. Of guilt. Of pity. Of fear.
Oh what a tangled web we weave. Within the world we let ourselves be absorbed in. A tangled web with strangers turned friends. Enemies turned confidantes. Friends turned traitors. Family turned competitors. Myself against myself. In an endless quest of worth. And ultimately, of the truth. In an endless journey and discovery. To happiness. To the end of the old. And the beginning of the new. To joy in death. And to wonder in new life.
tweenkies_1106 at 2:25 PM
Saturday, July 08, 2006
still looking forward to going back...
Marred by hurts, this trip to California was not the happiest. It sure was memorable though.
Most people called me “bato” (stone) before, jokingly of course, because I never cried. It was hard for me to cry. Even when I was very angry or at the height of emotions, when I already felt like I needed a good cry, I can’t. It hurt, but I trained myself to do that, stopping the tears from falling when I was being scolded as a kid or when I got hurt at play.
So it was a surprise when I was crying my eyes out, sobbing so softly, one late night at the house of my cousin. It was one day before our show and I was really worrying how I would look. How I would feel.
It was the loneliest time of the trip, ironically when I was with family. I missed the comforting words of my sister, the assurance of my mother and the strength of my father. I felt like I was between two huge slabs of stone, I didn’t know which side I should push away, which I should back up. I was crying, incessantly, for fear that I’ve come up short of expectations. I felt judged and misjudged.
To the clueless, I was doing ok, but some noticed the stress that the last leg of the tour was putting on me. It was tough trying to please everyone and ending up with nothing. It was tough trying to defend one to the other, trying to accept and trying so much to be believed. Failing and falling.
I’ve always known that mixing worlds is difficult. I’ve always tried to keep my worlds apart. I gave in just once. This one time. To the prodding of an eager relative, and in response to a call for help by friends. Not even as a favor for me. I tried to stop it, to forestall, at least, just so we had more time to think things through. It was beyond my power. And I guess… past is past. I have to move on.-10-14may2006
tweenkies_1106 at 12:09 PM
Twin cities?
Not quite. But it felt like it was a Siamese, connected at the rib. New York and New Jersey. Where did one end and the other begin?
For a newcomer, it didn’t feel like two states. It was just like going from the suburbs into the city. Both had the charm of East Coast toughness and indifference. New Jersey was quiet and gloomy, New York was loud and bright—with neon lights. We slept at Jersey and gallivanted in New York. How can it be that we did one thing in Jersey and easily jumped to do another in New York, supposedly 2 states… two separate entities?
I didn’t get to know much of New Jersey. But I did get to appreciate its solitude (especially since we slept in a convent!) and comfort after the muck from New York subways doubled by the grime of New York apathy.
It was kind of surreal—New York, that is. Maybe because I only had all this conceptions (and misconceptions) of it through movies and TV shows. How sinister and unforgiving it can be. How dark and unfriendly. But it had its unique charm. I especially loved Central Park—indeed the oasis in the middle of a desert, the desert that was created by the lack of human emotion of the city. New York is the American snob. You can see how diverse the people are, even in the variety of interests that can be served in the city—art, technology, fashion, history, business…. Everything was there. But it was devoid of compassion that you can find in Central Park. The city is such an enigma. It was all out there, you know what it offers, and yet you can’t quite put into words what New York is. It’s overwhelming just thinking about it, to attempt to describe what New York is. It’s no wonder you can love it and at the same time hate it. To despise it and yet look forward to go back again.
Who cares about indifference? Who cares about the arrogance? I want to go back to New York. I know it’s a rich city and I’ve seen but a speck of what it has to offer. -3-9may2006
tweenkies_1106 at 12:06 PM
It’s a small world after all.
Florida… you’d think I’d be excited to be stopping by Florida for the beaches. I’m not a beach-person. Florida had the attraction that could make me stop in my tracks, anytime… right in the heart of Orlando… the biggest of the happiest places on earth… DISNEYWORLD. BUT, Orlando proved to be the happiest place even outside the big world of Disney.
We didn’t go to as many places. One house to another, one shopping mall to outlet store to street mall—and I wasn’t a shopper. There was one stop at the beach and a day at Disney—tried to squeeze in 4 resorts in less than 12 hours—oh so little time. But I was happiest here. Probably because the few places we went to gave us time to really get to know our hosts. We ate meals together, went around together, played cards—or foozball for others—together, even sang videoke! It was fun, with peals of laughter highlighting each tiresome day.
There were even quiet conversations—sometimes, these seal friendships and close the gaps of built by differences. We shared stories, insights, ideas… there was time to really spend with these people who were strangers at first—friends in the end.
It was difficult to say goodbye. I found myself close to tears, saying goodbye to titos and titas who for 6 days were surrogate dads and moms. It was an easy transition from guest, to friend, to daughter among people who really showed their thoughtfulness and love for people they barely knew. But, more than as a daughter who needed constant care, I felt like the adult daughter who wanted to give something back—for it was time to take care of them. I would want to give back, attempt to achieve at least a pinch of that love they gave. Someday soon, in that magical kingdom of Orlando, I will go back… if I JUST BELIEVE.-26april-3may2006
tweenkies_1106 at 12:04 PM
Ch-ch-chilly Chicago.
I thought 24 degrees Celsius was already cold. I didn’t expect I’d ever experience a below 0-degree weather! I was totally unprepared and even with the lent gloves and scarf, I was still shivering. And yet, Chicago was anything but cold. It’s on the top of the charts of my favorites! Truly a heart-warming memory….
It was a pretty exhausting first day and yet the fun wasn’t diminished.
I will remember Chicago for its wonderful metropolis; the friendship of a newfound “lolo”, photographer, writer and tourist guide, rolled into one; my high school best friend and her husband (so surreal just saying that!); tulips-abounding everywhere you look in Michigan Ave.; Millenium park; the cooold wind; Navy Pier; and the Art Institute. Among other things. What mattered most, of course, was having spent the discovery of such a wonderful city with friends. With best friends and newfound friends.
I could say that I fell in love with Chicago the moment I breathed in the Chicago air. It seemed fast-paced, but not unfriendly. I felt the richness of the city, in history, art, music and modernity. And yet it wasn’t a snob. You could get lost in it without feeling lost. You can be in awe of the beauty of buildings, flowers, even just by the people walking around, even the mundane, normal things seem new and interesting. To walk around in your own pace without worrying that people would bump into you to hasten your walk, or snicker at the “I’m a tourist” look on your face. You can carry a camera and take in the beauty of a world ready to pose for you. I would love to get lost in Chicago. Of course, while holding the hand of a loved one. To make the discovery a lot sweeter.-22-25april2006
tweenkies_1106 at 11:36 AM
Minnesota. Minneso-TAH!
April 20th. More than 2 months ago. I can’t believe that it’s been that long. On that day, we landed in the chilly city of Minneapolis (or was it St. Paul? I actually I don’t know…). The city of a thousand lakes. For me, the city of a thousand sighs. It was quiet. Serene suburbia. Really had that feeling of safety. You could hear even the softest sighs. The roads were not congested. You could see mostly vans, family cars. The lawns were huge, the spaces were huge, the people… there weren’t a lot on the streets. You’d think that it would be more appropriate to put a Mall of America where there were more people. But, well, maybe that was the way to get people to go there. Or maybe that’s where all the people in Minneapolis are! Maybe. The buildings were huge too. They have two huge churches (at least, I saw 2)—St. Paul Cathedral and the Basilica of St. Mary—where it takes around 6 seconds for the echo to reverberate. Surreal.
I remember though that as the first city in our tour (not counting the 3 stop-overs we had where we only see the inside of the airports anyway), it was also the first city that proved how diverse the US can be. From the hustle and bustle in LA and Las Vegas that I got accustomed to from previous visits to the nation of the free, Minnesota showed the quiet side of America. The slow pace that the great country takes at times. The serenity of walking around a grand mall or in a sculpture garden. In the midst of sudden gushes wind and rain and sunshine. In the middle of bars that sound mostly like karaoke bars and chorale concerts. It was cold then, on the tail of winter about to give way to spring. But I felt the first warmth of Filipino hospitality in American tradition there. I sigh a thousand sighs for Minnesota. -19-21april2006
tweenkies_1106 at 11:33 AM
wait-listed...
A whole lot of waiting. A whole lot of unknowns.
Today as in everyday, I wait. For I don’t know what. But I just wait.
It’s weird that sometimes we end up doing what we don’t want to do. My waterloo is waiting…. Patience is not one of my strongest virtues. But I’ve found myself waiting for various things. At some point in my waiting, I’ve been depressed, angry, stoic, eager, excited, scared, doubtful, strong, courageous. All sorts of things… anything but patient.
I would say that I’ve survived most of my waiting. I didn’t know what was coming. I didn’t expect to get what I wished for and more. I didn’t expect to fail and be given a NO in some others.
People say that God cannot be outdone in generosity. I believe that, more so now. He was both generous in answered prayers, gifts and WAIT-listings. I guess He was trying to teach me a thing or two about patience. I guess, I’m a bit more patient now, knowing that my timing may not have the same timing as God’s. And no matter how I feel that things are way too slow for me, actually they’re not. I’m doing pretty ok and God’s timing come out perfectly everytime.
I still get depressed at times. Sometimes for reasons I feel ashamed to admit because I’ve been getting breaks in my life (for the good) and I don’t think I should be complaining about anything. Sometimes I still get restless, because half of the time, all I do is wait. Especially since most of what I do are in the building-the-foundations stage. With work “in the way”, I don’t do anything most of the day. I stare at my PC, trying to make sense of 8-hours pretending to work while I cram the rest of my life in the evenings. I wake up unbelievably early (7 p.m. is early for a job of staring at a PC) for yawning and stretching on my office chair. Hiding between the small confinement called my workspace to write to myself and write about my dreams.
The unknowns remain. But I could be discovering it on double-time if not for the necessity of work. Oh what a tangled web we weave…27june2006
tweenkies_1106 at 11:28 AM
temporary farewell...
i felt bad feeling depressed about a friend's good news. maybe a bit selfish... maybe a bit stupid. i know i should be jumping for joy with her. she so deserves this big break in her life. she deserves this welcome surprise... this wonderful wondeful change. but, the moment i learned about what's going to happen, i felt really sad.
partly because of that big possibility that 3 months may might as well turn to 1 year or even longer... it all came as a surprise that there wasn't anytime to prepare myself from the reality that i might not see her as often as we normally would see each other. some changes i've accepted lately in my life were somehow dependent on the fact that she will be there. but now... that little, important reason is gone. i'm supposed to be enjoying a big chunk of CHANGE in my life because i have a friend nearby... but...
then there was this sort of mindset that she's the friend who's ALWAYS around. no matter how seldom or often we see each other, or hear from her... she's always nearby. you know she's there. just there. and now...
somehow... it's a bit odd that she's far away now. really far away. and it feels really depressing.
there was this list in a magazine that says if you have these kinds of friends in your lifetime, you're a really lucky woman. one type of friend was "the one you can't wait to be a golden girl with". almost instantly, she's the one in mind.
i might be being so melodramatic. overthinking what could be just a bit of hurdle in time... but truly, i'm a bit depressed right now...
MJ you're already being missed. hope to see you real soon again. face to face or even just in cyberspace. -17june2006
tweenkies_1106 at 11:19 AM